Dear Victor Jackson of Chicago or formerly of Chicago,

Our phone numbers might be similar, but they are not the same. Double check your Dominick’s and Jewel savings cards because I am tired of hearing “Thank you, Mrs. Jackson” at the supermarket. Also, please explain to me how you got associated with my Mac account. Finally, please call Humana about your health insurance policy because they are calling my cell phone a lot looking for you and, for whatever reason, are not about to believe me when I insist I don’t know you, you are not my husband, you are not my dad, you are not my son, etc. Please, please because then I start calling all of the Humana customer service numbers and complaining about it and they assure me it’s taken care of then I get another call for you and I call the Humana customer service numbers again and the cycle of bitching continues. For real. Just settle up or whatever and let’s be done with this mess.

I will just keep Googling you and emailing random Victor Jacksons until we can resolve this. Do it for Victor Jacksons everywhere. Thank you!

Amy Guth