A friend asked me this question once and it was only after much thought that I came up with an answer. I heard from her today, so I was reminded of the question and realized I’d never asked you, m’dears. Her question is this:

If you could be the opposite (you define what “opposite” means to you) sex and gender than you currently are, for at least 24-hours, but for no longer than one year, what would you want to experience in that time?

(Before anyone jumps down my throat, she is trans, and she asked the question in the first place. So there.)

I’ll tell you my answer later, but it would certainly begin with learning to pee standing up. Once I mastered it, I would totally pee on everything, writing out my full name, first, middle and last. And my Hebrew name, too, just for kicks. That’s, um, a lot of peeing.

Got something going tonight? I didn’t think so. C’mon over to Metropolis Coffee and I’ll read something from Three Fallen Women especially for you and you have the priveledge of getting yourself a cup of coffee from the finest small roast in Chicago, in my humble opinion. Oh, and they have that cool typewriter set up for you to rant and rave with. It’s a win-win tonight, folks. In fact, if you don’t like what I’m reading, you can go sit your ass at the old typwriter and type (because I think it is stuck in caps-lock), “AMY GUTH WRITES PURE GENIUS AND READS WONDERFULLY” over and over until you run out of paper.